Lift up your face….

A lot has happened since my last blog post.  There’s so much that’s happened, that I’m not entirely sure where to kick off if I’m honest.

I think it’s fair to say that the last few months have been something of struggle.  On a personal level as well as on a professional level.   There’s been bitter disappointments along the way, things that I thought wouldn’t change have suddenly changed, and not necessarily for the better.

Then came the sucker punch.  Was in Cardiff where I was chatting with a friend of mine, who’d been praying for me for a while, and suddenly came out with some words for me, which were not easy to hear.

The reason it wasn’t easy to hear, was that everything that he said, was very true.  I’m not going to list the stuff he said to me, as it’s intensely personal.  However I think it could be summed up in a few words.

I wasn’t allowing God in to every part of my life.

There were some parts of my life, that I didn’t want to let God in to.  For a combination of reasons really, shame, pride, the cost involved in doing so.

But the fact of the matter is, everything is laid out before God, and we’ve all got to give an answer for the stuff we do, and the stuff we don’t do as well.

Now it would be overly dramatic for me to claim that I’m completely sorted in that respect.  I’ll tell you, it was scary opening up to that degree.  I know God loves me, and He has nothing but the best planned for me, but even so, to open up on that scale, it’s still pretty scary.

I know tough times are going to come as I do this.  But like Paul wrote in Romans, if God be for us, then who shall stand against us?

I’ve been on the deck long enough, it’s now time to pick my self up, lift up my face, and press on.

Ding!!

We live in such an instant world don’t we?

We send an e-mail, and at the speed of light, it’s the other side of the world, or we can send a text message, and within seconds, it’s on someone else’s phone.  Even meal times have suffered, place the dish in the microwave, hit a few buttons and dinner(??? you’re kidding right) is ready….ish.

And sadly, that’s permeated in to every aspect of our lives.  We get wound up if our computer doesn’t start up quickly enough, or a certain application doesn’t behave itself as it should, or even worse!!  Our web browser doesn’t display the page quickly!  (or is it just me?)

And I’ve discovered that view has entered my spiritual life to an extent.  And that is most certainly not good!!  I pray, then expect an instant answer.  How can I forget that God works to His timetable, and so should I?  Rather than the other way around?  Clearly, I’m a bit stupid.

We all need to be on our guard against allowing such futile thinking enter our spiritual thinking.  We’ve experienced God’s goodness in our lives, and as the psalmist writes “Be still, and know I am God…”  Now that’s not to say we should sit on our rears and wait until God tells us what to do, or gives the answer we’re seeking.  When Christ was killed, Peter went back to fishing.  The waiting the Bible speaks of, is a participation kind of waiting.  “Keep doing what you’re doing, and when the time is right, you’ll get the answer you’re looking for.”

Now, let me caveat that!  God will answer us! It may not be the answer WE want.  But it will be the right answer, of that we can be sure.  There’s a lot I’m thinking of at the moment, where my future lies.  Do I stay where I am?  Do I move house? Do I do this, that or the other?

While I wait for the answer, I know what God is telling me to do right now, and that’s to carry on doing what I’m doing.

God is not an e-mail client, or a mobile phone, where we can ping off an e-mail or text message and get an immediate answer.  He takes his time, He prepares us for the answer He’s going to give us.  Especially if it’s a negative one.  He’s not in the habit of leaving us adrift or unprepared to hear what He has to say.  (Not that one could ever be fully prepared to hear what He has to say…)

It’s something I’d forgotten, and it’s something I intend to put right.

Standing firm when the world goes bonkers….

I’ve been reading a new book of late.  It’s called Stand, and it’s edited by John Piper and Justin Taylor.  And it’s certainly got me thinking.

I’ve only read the first two chapters so far, but the first chapter was enough of a hit to make me stop and think.  The chapters are written by different authors, so the first chapter was written by Jerry Bridges.  And it was about what’s needed to finish well.  And he reckoned there were four things.  I won’t put them here as the publishers may tell me off.  But in essence, it was to make God the centre of everything.  That’s not to say, “what colour socks shall I wear today Lord?”  But when it comes to stuff like, “what shall I do with my life?”  or “who shall I marry?”.  Jerry Bridges suggests that we place God first and foremost in our lives.

And this follows on from Jesus’ teachings, “seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you.”  I tried this once, and you know, it worked.  Then the world came in, and started to mess around with the peace I’d cultivated, I’d allowed my self to get distracted.  And I started to suffer.  So I know the value of doing this.

And in the chapter, Jerry Bridges wrote about the time he was losing his wife to cancer, and he’d been reading about how God welcomed home his children, and he said something along the lines of: “that’s great for you God, but what about me?”  And that struck me.  I am allowed to ask God why.  God doesn’t get hacked off with me if I ask Him why something happened.  And that is something I most definitely need to learn in my life.

He is our loving Father, and He wants us to ask questions, that’s the most amazing thing.  When we have doubts, which we ALL do at some point, He’ll welcome us with those too!!  He’s not vindictive, He doesn’t get angry when we ask questions.  In fact, He welcomes them, because then He has a chance to answer them.

And when I’m blogging about finishing well and standing firm, it’s impossible not to mention John Stott who has left us to go home to glory.  The impact this incredible man of God had on the evangelical world may never be fully known.  The countless people who’s theological thinking he shaped with his books and his knowledge of scripture.  Or the countless people he mentored over the years who are now going strong in their ministries.

It was a great shock to hear of his death, I had the privilege of corresponding with Dr Stott during the time I was looking to head towards ordination, (that’s where I felt called to at the time.)  and his letters were always full of great encouragement and guidance.  He also unsurprisingly extolled to me the virtues of birdwatching, and for the best part of two years I relentlessly roamed the prom at Abersytwyth looking for the Purple Sand Piper.

He will be missed by many, but we should not mourn as the world mourns, as ones without hope.  Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die;  and whoever lives by believing in me will never die.” John 11:25-27

 

Overhangs….

So I was praying the other night, and I got this picture.  I was hanging off a ledge one handed, and below me was a very long drop.  This is directly related to the picture I got in January about God asking me to leap off a cliff.

So here I was dangling, hanging on to this ledge for dear life, and I felt God ask me, “What are you doing?”

And you know what?  It scared me.  The last eight months have had their ups and downs, but sadly there’s been a few downs with that.  At the moment, my emotions and thoughts are all over the place, I won’t go in to why as it involves other people, and I want to honour them in this by not mentioning names or situations.

But the long and short of it is, I’m not in a good place spiritually at the moment.  I’d been disobeying God!  He told me to jump, and here I am hanging on to this ledge.  And God quite rightly asked me what I thought I was doing!

So what is this ledge?  It’s something I clearly don’t want to let go of, but I know I have to!  And I’m finding it hard at the moment.  In my heart I know that this is the right thing to do, but if I’m honest I’m scared.  What if I lose?  What if it doesn’t work out?  Then I felt God say, “you let me worry about that.”

The thing is, I like the ledge at the moment, it’s comfortable, familiar.  But it’s not where God wants me to be!  So I have two choices, I pull my self up and stay there, and stand still and slowly die spiritually…or I let go and continue the jump.  The other option is that God prizes my fingers off the ledge…

He’s spoken through some very wise friends, who are truly awesome people, and their opinions and values I hold in very high esteem.

And the ledge isn’t just the situation, it’s my thoughts on it too, the way I act, the way I speak, the way I conduct myself.  God is sick of it, and He wants me to move on to something else…

And as a rock climber, it hurts when you hang on an overhang for too long…

I’ve been listening to Bill Johnson on the Transformed mind as part of the Bethel podcasts, and this dude is awesome.  Or rather God through him is awesome.  And I’m finding that I need to have my mind transformed!  I need to have my thought life, my actions totally transformed by the Holy Spirit, and that’s what God wants for me too.  But to do that, I’ve got to let go.

This is sounding very Jedi like I know, but there’s only one thing for it methinks…..

Time to let go, and let God do what He does best!!

So for those who read my blog (all three of you )  please pray that I do let go properly, and just go for it instead of trying to hang on by a finger nail…and that I move in to what God’s got planned for me.

Thanks guys and girl, I think that ledge is getting further away you know….

Letting go…..

Those who know me well enough, know that the thing I struggle with day in day out, is letting go.  According to some friends of mine, I have a Doctor complex…

I believe I can save the universe and I spend all my energy trying…

Except…I’m not The Doctor, neither am I God…

So all I end up doing is burning myself out, and possibly stopping God doing His work in my life and the folks around me.

I’ve been reminded of this recently, that I can’t fix everything.   It’s so easy to do isn’t it?  We run around trying to be everything to everyone, and we do it with the very best intentions.

But sometimes God is pleading with us to stop!

We need to have discernment and wisdom to know where our responsibilities and boundaries lie.  We can’t do it all in our strength, and even what we can do is limited.  We need someone who has limitless power to intervene, and that’s God.

Recently, I felt the Lord telling me to step back from something, and let Him do what He does.  We argued over three days about it….(I ended up losing as usual).  I felt God say “I know you want to help, but you can’t.  This is something that has to happen, and so far you’ve been stopping me.”

And that stunned me.  Here is an all powerful God, who created every living thing, being stopped by me!  A mere created human being.  God in all His power, might and majesty stopped because I stood in the way.

So I’ve had to step back, and honour God’s will.  I feel at peace about it, but it still doesn’t stop me wanting to help.  That desire will never go away, however that desire can be used in a positive manner too.  I can use that desire and energy to pray INTO the situation and for the people IN that situation.

That way, God is given the chance to show off (He loves doing that), and I don’t end up burning out.

Jesus said “Seek first the kingdom of God.”  Or as the Psalmist wrote, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”  Now for the second one, our motives must be examined closely, are we delighting ourselves in the Lord just to get a blessing, or to really delight in Him?  For me, I hope and pray it’s the second one.

At this point in time, all I want is my vision to be filled with what God’s got planned, and with His face and glory.  I feel a peace I’ve not felt in a long while, and a closeness to Heaven that I would miss if it wasn’t there.

God honours those who honour Him, He is no man’s debtor.

So if you find yourself getting burned out and tired in a given situation, ask yourself, “am I involving the Lord in this?”  And if the answer is yes, then ask “am I blocking the opportunity for the Spirit to be poured out in this situation?”  And if the answer to that is yes, then as hard as it is, you’ll need to take a step back.

We can’t save everyone, Jesus has already done it!!!

Action…..

I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty good at talking a good game!  I’ll never forget my first ever cricket match, confidently telling the club Chairman I was going to knock a 50 in my first innings, I’d watched it on telly and it looked easy.  I didn’t get to bat that day.  The week after that, I got to bat, and I was terrified!!  I got a cricket ball in the ribs, and one on the end of my toe….I got bowled out for a duck.

I don’t know if anyone else has had that experience?  Talking a good game, only to find reality is somewhat different?  I’ve had a reason recently to see that I do the same with God.

He’s been gracious enough to use many people to guide me and tell me what I need to be doing, and I nod and go “yes I know, I’ll do it…” but when it comes to doing it…I stop short.

This is dishonouring to God, and it’s something I need to repent of, and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one either.  When God speaks, action is demanded.  At creation, God said “Let there be light” and there was light.  The Universe responded.  So when God speaks to our lives, we’ve got to respond too!

So enough talking a good game, lets get out there and do it.  It’s all very well having a heart for the poor, the oppressed asylum seekers and so on.  But if we don’t back it up with action, then we’re no better than everyone else.  There are those in the world who are not Christians, who frankly put us to shame when it comes to action!!  I’ve come across some amazing people who do amazing acts of kindness and my thought is, “why aren’t we doing this as Christians?”

One of the phrases that’s always stuck with me, is at the beginning of DC Talk’s song What if I Stumble.  Brennan Manning at the start of the track says this:

“The greatest cause of Atheism in the world today, are Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, and walk out of the door, and deny Him with their life style.  That is what an unbelieving world, simply finds, unbelievable.”

We can’t just be Christians on a Sunday, then forget everything on a Monday!  God doesn’t stop being God, and He never stops calling us!  He always gives us chances to do the little things that bring Him Glory, and that’s where we start.  By doing the little things, and as we’re trusted with doing the little things, we’ll be moved on to bigger projects.

Having said that, if God is calling us to do the bigger things, then He’ll equip us to do them as well!!

But we mustn’t lose sight of the fact that we can serve God wherever we are!!  Colossians 3:17 says “Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.”

Paul doesn’t specify a particular task, ALL Christians are called to Minister for God, no matter what job they do!  (Even tax collectors….)

So stop talking about it, and go and do it.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Not good….

There are so many times in our lives, when we ask God why?

Why are my friends not being healed?

Why isn’t that guy/girl talking to me any more?

Why do I do things that I know disappoint you?

Why is my life in turmoil?

The thing is, we try to rationalise God, we try to make His methods fit in to our own little understanding.  We serve an irrational God!  Yet we try to rationalise him!!  It’s like me trying to mix oil and water, they are that diametrically opposed.

And we can’t make God fit in to our little box of reason either.  For He says in Isaiah 55:9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”  God is Holy, God is pure, and as such, His Words, His Thoughts and His Ways are therefore holy and pure as well.

So how can we mere humans, ask God to stoop to our level, and give us a reason for the way He works out His Will in our lives?

A personal example would be that this week, I’ve been in a situation and I don’t know what to do.  Well I do, but I don’t want to do it.  Why?  Because I’m scared I’ll lose out.  But my head tells me that God has me covered, and that He knows what’s best for my life, yet for some reason, I’m still finding it hard to do what I know I have to do.  And to make matters worse, I confused the issue further by being…well…me!  And as a consequence of that, I decided to do what I had to do in the first place, and trust God that He’ll bring His goodness and will out of all of it.  I just hope that I’ll be forgiven.

So at the moment, I’m not feeling particularly close to God.  I know I’ve done the right thing, but I made endless mistakes getting to that point.

If God tells us to do something, it’s so much easier that we do it straight away!  It’s good and proper to test that it is God, Paul tells us to test everything against the balance of Scripture, also ask men and women of God whom we trust for their guidance too.  And if it is God telling us, then do it!

So at the moment, I feel isolated, lonely and that I may have made things so much worse.  And that’s my own fault.  My prayer is that others won’t make the same mistake I made.